buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
