Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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