end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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