the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
