I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
