Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
