the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
