You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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