remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just puked most of my soul out..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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