well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
