i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize