Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
