where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
