A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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