A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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