I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize