I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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