Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
