I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize