He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
