I think I died a long time ago.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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