that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
