in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
