In the future we'll all be gay
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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