Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
