The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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