Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
