At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
