I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
