I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
