how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
