I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
