he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
