she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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