Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
