Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
