oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As shirtless as possible
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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