you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
