How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
