My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
