Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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