We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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