The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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