Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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