Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
