Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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