God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
