Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
