Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
