I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
