I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
