Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
