If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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