chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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