Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
