Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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