They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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