I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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