dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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