he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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