I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
