At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
