I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
